My Words

2007-05-31T09:38:00.000-07:00

I moved my blog...

to here http://meagan451.vox.com/

2007-05-11T10:41:00.000-07:00

Whoa Mama!

Today I was giving a pedicure to a very pregnant woman--she had three weeks to go! I look up and this is what I saw:

Ok...Not exactly that...but close. It was awesome!

2007-05-09T22:44:00.000-07:00

I am so frickin excited! Trevor called me today- number one which is just exciting in its self. Number two we talked about Addulam, which strangely enough he knew about before me and Ty even told him. I have wanted to follow Trevor and what he is doing since the day he left...I have had this want to move to Chicago for no other reason but to follow God with the help of Trevor. I have faith God is working in me...and guiding me along with the rest of us into what I would like to think of as the next big thing. This idea is gonna spread like starbucks. Praise God for answering my prayers when I haven't had the words to speak them. Praise God for his guidance...and this beautiful day!

2007-05-07T00:09:00.001-07:00

Row Row Row your boat...

In the past few weeks I think God has really been working in my heart and trying to push me to see something and try something different. This morning Ty, Rachel, Cameron, Brittany and I all tried something a little different together. We went to a place called Addulam (spelling?). Which I think will be safe to say, is a missional church. Now, all of us are very new to the idea (thanks to Trevor and Mr. Jim) and we walked in this morning not quite sure that to expect. We were welcomed with several very sincere smiles and "hello"s and then we took our seats and listened.

After talking with Ty about what we had heard, I think we can both say that we were convicted, and excited about the idea of getting on the boat no matter what we leave behind. And we should have faith that God will be our oars. For lack of a better outline, I will bullet point my thoughts:
*We live in a selfish world where we feel the need to take care of ourselves before we can help other people. Instead, we should have faith that God will take care of us and provide for us.
*The world is not the same as it was 30 years ago, the church needs to change accordingly.
*We don't always know what our future holds. (we may think we know our dreams and life goals but God won't put those opportunities in front of us if its not right)
*We all have garbage...and we are all full of trash...God loves us anyways. We should see people through God's Eyes, trash included.
*We aren't here to drink pina colada's on the beach...If your in then you better get on the boat!

I am excited and scared for what lies ahead. But mostly excited...I will write more later when I know more

2007-05-01T23:29:00.000-07:00

The Body's a Temple...Part I

I think Kenny Chesney said it best in his song Living in Fast Forward: " The body's a temple, that's what we're told
I've treated this one like an old honky-tonk..." This came to my mind tonight when Brian Gray was speaking tonight at TNL-- On a side note:I think its amazing how God speaks through people and how I really needed to hear some of these things--The message tonight was titled "Temple", which was part 4 of a series they are doing on a book called Simply Christian by N.T. Wright. Everything Brian had to say was really interesting but nothing caught my attention like what he said at the end. He said something to the extent of, The Holy Spirit of God dwells in us, our bodies are his house (temple), and we should honor God with our bodies...the way we view our bodies should be seen through Gods eyes.
WOW...What a concept. I struggle with this, I struggle with being beautiful, or at least feeling beautiful. In my mind, feeling beautiful enables me to do things like going out of my house, going to work, talking to people and looking them in the face. If I feel "unpretty" then I find it being the excuse for not getting things done, not helping other people. I go to ridiculous amounts to make myself suitable for me. For example, my shampoo is $60 a bottle. I spend my money on vegan free shampoo in which I care nothing about instead of giving my money to charity, or church, or savings. I spend two hours getting ready instead of 20 minutes when I could use the rest of the time praying, or reading the bible. I know the people around me see a great need for this mindset to change...And I will admit that since I became a Christian, I realize the need for this to change... and I pray for God to change this in me. I should view my body as God's temple...he choses to reside in me and I should honor that and have faith in him enough to know that he knows what is good...and I am good for he created me.

As you may have seen, this is part I...Part II I will rebut!

2007-04-24T21:45:00.000-07:00

Leaving on a Jet Plane...

Finally, I have time to indulge myself into the world of blogging. As I go through my daily life I find myself thinking in my head “this would make a great blog”. Which is almost as bad as saying “this picture is going to look good on myspace”. I live such a simple life…
Of the many topics I have to write about…I think I will choose the one that is ultimately the most important to me at this time…Saying Good-bye. This isn’t always a huge topic that is taking up my precious mind space, but its important right now because Trevor and Michelle left. I was okay with it until Saturday night…then not so good. Even worse on Sunday, I cried, and as Ty will tell you that’s ok because I am a cry-er. (As Trevor reminded me, I cried when F*R*I*E*N*D*S ended and Chandler and Monica moved away) So Ty is obviously right-I am a cry-er. Back to the topic, I will surely miss them but am so honored to know such awesome people. I can now add to the short, but honorable list of people that I think God presented himself through to show his glory to me. Good Job God! Shine on Trevor and Michelle…You GUYS ROCK!

2007-04-18T19:34:00.000-07:00

Tonight my twin sister walked into our room crying...It was sad. It made me want to cry for her. She wasn't really crying over anything too terrible. But the fact still remains that she was crying and it broke my heart. I wanted to cry with her. I think its the twin thing. Its nice every once in awhile to feel connected like that instead of feeling connected by lightning bolts! She is better now :-)

2007-04-09T13:22:00.000-07:00

I just like this...Sums it all up:
Dear Lord, I thank you for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness.

Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.

Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things.

Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. Let me continue to see sin through God's eyes and acknowledge it as evil. And when I sin, let me repent, and confess with my mouth my wrongdoing, and receive the forgiveness of God.

And when this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus' example -- to slip away and find a quiet place to pray. It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will.

Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those who are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those who are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those who will delete this without sharing it with others. I pray for those who don't believe. But I thank you that I believe.

I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member i n their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.

I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth that confesses them willingly..

This is my prayer.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.

2007-04-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think I want too much. I am too demanding and even more forgiving. I am afraid that my wants will run people away but my lack there of will cause people to run right over me. I take peoples advice, criticism, judgment, love, to heart way too much…or not enough. I think that living outside my body would make me feel better but I know it wouldn’t be right. I like sad movies, books, and songs because sometimes I am sad. I don’t want to be sad anymore, I don’t want to be negative but I don’t want to forget. I want to think less of myself and more of others, but I want to be thought more of too. I am afraid of standing up for myself but I am an advocate for a better life…especially if that means change. I want my life to change drastically for the better and I want to end all the changes that are for the worst. I want to like something; I want to figure out what I like. I want to have my own interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes. I want to be my own person…not someone else’s. I want to go to bed.

2007-02-18T20:26:00.000-08:00

Let’s be honest here

I am at a loss of words right now….but not really because I am going to write this blog. I have been lying to myself, and a little bit to others and I didn’t even know it. I have been criticizing other people for lying to themselves and didn’t even realize I am doing it myself. I am a hypocrite. I am unhappy with certain things and have just been waiting for things to work themselves out…thinking I can wait it out, suck it up. But when I see someone else is in distress about his (or her) own life I encourage them to fix it because, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” Wow! I wish I was as good as living it out as I am dishing it out...
I am going to school for something that I am not passionate about what so ever and I have been lying to myself about wanting to do this for a lot of reasons. I signed a contract, it’s a lot of money, I thought I would like it, I didn’t want to let anyone down, I, I, I…Excuse after selfish excuse. When in reality it is really hard doing something you are not passionate about doing and in the end, you know you aren’t going to be doing it anyways. Now I have to figure out what I am going to do…sigh...

Food for thought: "Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful"

p.s. I miss Ty :-(

2007-02-15T21:43:00.000-08:00

Yes! I survived Valentine’s Day yet again…And surprisingly enough it wasn’t so bad. My past Valentine’s go something like this: I prepare a great outfit at least two weeks prior to the big day, even though I will probably only be going to work or school. I work myself up to expect some really romantic scene from the movies where the man of my dreams surprises me with roses and wisps me away to some romantic dinner and by about midnight when none of the above goes the way I plan I usually end up sad with a tub of ice cream…how cliché.
Why do I build my self up for a let down? I really have no idea. Most Valentine’s Days in the past I have been single and if I am in a relationship it usually ends up even more disappointing because he didn’t plan anything…nor give me roses. This year I really am with the man of my dreams and much to his dismay he actually was in town for the highly over-rated holiday. And now I think this is how every Valentine’s Day should be: We agreed not to get each other presents and just go out for dinner and spend a good night together. He did mention roses…He said, $80 for a dozen roses?! Are you frickin kidding me…They are just going to die…Sorry babe, no way was I going to get you that.” Oh and I think he also said he is going to get me a lil something which was later followed by “Ya, so I totally didn’t have time to make you that thing. Sorry babe” BUT, he did take me out to a yummy dinner and plan to cuddle by the fire. Now that’s romance for ya…I don’t need no stinkin’ roses! And come midnight…no need for a tub of ice cream!

2006-12-03T19:02:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!

I love Christmas time! Christmas lights, shopping, Christmas trees, yummy drinks at Starbucks…But this year it means something completely different, something more…which makes it even better. Let me first explain the history of Christmas in my family. I grew up believing in Santa Clause…until I was 12 (Don’t judge). We weren’t really taught the REAL meaning of Christmas. To us, it was the best time of year, where we got lots of presents, got to decorate our house and put up Christmas lights.
We got to open one present (usually matching pajamas) on Christmas Eve because we just couldn’t handle the suspense. On Christmas morning we would stay in bed and open our stockings until my dad was ready to get up. My parents would get everything ready and then take pictures of us walking down the stairs, capturing our faces in awe of all the presents that lay before us.
Christmas changed a lot when my mom died, especially since she passed only 3 months before. We didn’t want to have Christmas anymore…almost as much as we didn’t want her to die. So our family fills that void with even more presents. To show our love, to make it better….I don’t know. Well you start to get used to it after doing in for awhile and after last years Christmas I have so much to be grateful for, and to look forward to.
This year that void space in my heart is filled….maybe even overflowing. I have this amazing man in my life who just looks at me and I feel special…loved. What makes it even better is that we can spend Christmas together!
This past week I asked a friend what Christmas is…what it commemorates, why we celebrate it? I feel embarrassed because after 20 years of celebration, I didn’t know what it meant…or maybe I just feel differently about it now. Anyways, thanks to my wonderful friend, I know what it’s all about. And I’m excited to celebrate…Here’s to Christ! Merry Christmas!

2006-10-18T21:48:00.000-07:00

Awe...The Memories

I had a long day, night, week...After digging my hand thievishly into my sisters box of Honey Nut Chex, all my stresses were carried away. I know, I know...You are probably thinking, "Your sister has her OWN box of cereal" and maybe you are also wondering how one little bite of a breakfast cereal could make it all better. I will tell you how: It took me back to a time in my grandmothers kitchen when I was 12 where I decided I really liked Chex. Now this of course was way before the array of different chex flavors was introduced to our cereal isle. I remember that day like it was yesterday...It was a late night snack while g'ma was asleep and we attempted to make her french toast and polish my uncles toes while he was in dream land.

I remember that night, while indulging in my tasty snack, how much my mom liked the cereal (hints why she bought it). And of course...one memory leads to another and so on and so on. Any thought of my mother and grandmother can make any bad day good! So there you have it...My chain of memories

2006-10-05T23:07:00.000-07:00

Who wants a massage?

I started Massage therapy school this week. My wonderful schedule is Massage 1 starting at 9a.m. and going until 3 p.m. and Anatomy from 6p.m. until 9p.m. Tuesdays and Thursdays. The first week went well, a lot of introduction of stuff which was a huge bore (I am not going to lie)…
I think I am going to blog my experiences through the next year as far as massage school…They say to embrace this time because it’s going to fly by. Is that a promise? Even before I started I wanted it to be over. I am excited to learn massage and all that comes with it, but can I be honest here and say I was enjoying my ‘lax’ lifestyle I had before? Working 3.5 days (at the most) was quite enjoyable especially with the cash flow that came with it. Taking Ty jamba juice on a regular basis and having coffee with friends whenever was nice too.
All of a sudden I have one day a week off which will be done doing the loads of homework I have, no more church on Tuesdays which will in turn make me give up my shift at the recreation center (the one I have held for almost 3 years) so I can go to church…or do homework on Sundays. Which is the greater sacrifice right?
But beyond all this complaining let me say that I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to continue my education, especially now, before I have children and greater responsibilities. I hope I can use my knowledge to benefit the people in my life and people I have yet to meet. Also, I am grateful for my support system particularly Ty. Right now I look to him most for support and he has most definitely shown that he is there for me…and that he is proud of me. That statement right there gives me the faith that this is good, and he is right there with me :-)

2006-09-13T21:51:00.000-07:00

The Holy One a Flame...

Today I was called into work early to do a two-hour long pedicure which I usually cring over. But today I was ok with doing it...partly because I could use the money and partly for reasons which would be revealed later. The woman ended up being 30-minutes late but when she sat down in my pedicure chair, she handed me a small pink candle. She said, "this is for you, I thought it smelled nice" How sweet is that?!

As I continued on with the service and the usual questions (Do you live around here? What do you do for a living?) the conversation came more easily than expected. We found out that we graduated from the same high school and she currently lives near where I go to church...and she (Susan) had heard of TNL, So cool! She kept looking at my cross necklace and finally she made the statement that declared it all...Susan informed me that she bought that candle last week and before she came in this morning she felt God was telling her to bring that candle in and give it to me, once she met me she started to understand more. She said God wanted me to know that he was with me and that he loved me.

These are the days I love my job...it was a good day :-)

2006-09-03T15:06:00.000-07:00

Grace and James 3: The topic lately

I think most people will agree with me that our lives are very relational…and with relationships (most relationships) come communication, sacrifice and grace to name a few. Without these things, I think relationships struggle and sometimes fail. But why wouldn’t you give all of these things in a relationship? It seems to me that if you want to be in a relationship with someone, you will give your all or else what’s the point?
But in reality this is rarely the case. Let me be the first to admit that I am not very good in relationships. When one relationship is at its best, it seems others are not so much. And when I feel I have great conversations with one person, the words are lacking with someone else. I truly wish I could be one of those (whoever that may be) who are good at relationships...
The reason for this blog is because someone very dear to my heart has questioned me about some relationships and how I treat others, which in turn made me question it myself. He started off saying the way I talk to my sisters is terrible and rude and not needed. My reply (or excuse) was that is just how we speak to each other, its normal in my household. And to be honest…I didn’t realize that although it truly was how I was brought up, it is also very much an excuse. It’s not ok to open my mouth and scream bad words back at my sister when she loses her temper. That won’t get anything solved (I sound like my parents…weird). But at the same time I feel the need to stand up for myself when I am being put down or yelled at. Ok, but then I think about the times I initiate the conversation in a rude manner…which is more times than not. I should really work on that, I should be graceful. Maybe it will rub off…
What amazes me most is that I can talk to a friend or even a complete stranger with a peaceful tongue and go to my own sisters and start a fight…Something I need to work on. Something that inspired me:
James 3:9-12~ 9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11Can both fresh water and salt[a] water flow from the same spring? 12My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
I owe many thanks to that dear person who suggested that I show some grace when I speak to people, especially my sisters. And that sometimes I need to sacrifice my own pride to do this. He also showed me that not even he has perfected this task as he shook his fist in anger at the driver in front of him after murmuring some not-so-graceful words…we are all human.

2006-08-31T16:40:00.000-07:00

Can't get much closer to God than where we are...

I am seriously on cloud nine. Especially after this past weekend. Ty and I went "backpacking" which really turned into us sipping coffee with the "upwardly mobile" in Aspen and Glenwood and then car camping in Buena Vista. Although I was looking forward to my first backpacking trip I was more looking forward to a wonderful weekend with Ty. I didn't care what we did or where we ended up.

I think it was a great weekend for us to embrace the wonderful things God gave us...including each other. It was also a good time to get to know each other and get a little more comfortable with each other (and with ourselves to be completely honest). I didn't wear my make-up the entire time. That was good...but of course once I got home I put it right back on. I am working and praying about that!

Other points worth bringing up...A deer watched me pee...that was an experience. I bought a wonderful new coat in Aspen. And the backpacking food from REI is quite tasty. (My boyfriend is quite the chef i might add) Also, I realize I have very wonderful friends, including Rachel for letting me borrow her backpack, Nickie for letting us borrow her tent and outerwear and Matt for letting me borrow his sleeping bag.
And then back to reality....sigh....

2006-08-16T08:29:00.001-07:00

Getting Started

I created this blog thing so I can write down my thoughts...here are my thoughts about this: I think its broken. Everytime I click on a button it goes to a 'page not found' screen! GRRR...this is not supposed to be frustrating. Maybe this is a sign. Maybe I am just not meant to be a blogger...Test 1